Hello! I hope your weekend was a good one. The last week was absolutely freezing (and snowy, and icy) here. We live on a marina and there was actually a grown man ice skating on it! I've been extra appreciative of my gym membership, having a dry place to run with zero risk of breaking my leg. Instead of complaining about the weather though, I'm appreciating the beautiful blue sky and the pretty ice formations, and reminding myself that winter doesn't last forever. Because having negative thoughts about it won't change a thing! Let's talk about negative thoughts, though, because they can be an easy default.

We’ve probably all done it. You catch yourself in the mirror and think, “Gahhh, what is going on?” or you groan about forgetting your keys for the third time this week with, “Guess I’m officially old now, forgetting everything.” It might feel like harmless humor, but your brain is always listening. And unfortunately, it’s not great at distinguishing sarcasm from sincerity.

Negative self-talk might start as a joke, but it has a sneaky way of setting up camp in your belief system. Every story we tell ourselves, even the sarcastic ones, shape how we see ourselves and the world around us. So, let’s talk about why it’s time to start giving yourself the respect you deserve.

The problem with negative self-talk

Imagine you had a friend who followed you around all day, constantly making snide comments about your choices, your appearance, or your abilities. “Wow, nice job spilling coffee on yourself, again. Truly a master of coordination." Would you want to keep hanging out with them? Of course not. But that’s exactly what you’re doing to yourself when you let negative self-talk run the show.

Here’s why it’s a problem:

1. It shapes your beliefs: Your brain takes repetition seriously. If you keep telling yourself, “I’m terrible at remembering things” or “I’m too old for this,” it starts to believe you. And once that belief is locked in, it’ll work overtime to prove itself right.
2. It sabotages confidence: Constant negative chatter erodes your self-esteem. Believing in yourself is hard when your inner voice is constantly pointing out your so-called flaws.
3. It’s not even accurate: Most negative self-talk is wildly exaggerated. Forgetting where you put your phone doesn’t make you “completely useless,” it makes you human.

But I’m just being funny!

The classic defense is, “It’s just a joke!” But your subconscious doesn’t get the punchline. It’s not in on the joke. So while you’re laughing about how “you’ll never fit into those jeans again,” your brain is storing that as fact. The stories we tell ourselves, even the ones we think are throwaway comments, have a profound impact on our mental and emotional reality.

Humour is great, but it shouldn’t come at your own expense. There are plenty of ways to be funny without dragging yourself down in the process.

How to stop roasting yourself

1. Notice the talk: The first step is catching yourself in the act. Pay attention to when and how you use negative self-talk. Awareness is half the battle.
2. Flip the script: Replace negative statements with neutral or positive ones. Instead of, “I’m so bad at this,” try, “I’m still learning, I'll get there!” Instead of, “I look like a mess,” say, “I’m looking like my true self today, and it's amazing!”
3. Channel your inner best friend: Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to your best friend. Would you ever tell them they’re “getting too old for this” or that they’ll “never get it right”? Of course not!
4. Make it fun: Turn replacing negative thoughts into a game. For every self-roast, you have to come up with a compliment or a positive spin. “I forgot my keys, but I have my phone, and that’s a win.”
5. Practice gratitude: It’s hard to stay stuck in negative self-talk when you’re focusing on what you’re grateful for. Start your day by listing a few things you appreciate about yourself. It’s like a warm-up for your confidence.

Final Thoughts

Negative self-talk might seem harmless, but it’s like planting weeds in the garden of your mind. Over time, it chokes out the good things. The stories we tell ourselves matter, they’re the script our subconscious mind follows. So stop roasting yourself, and start celebrating yourself. Your inner voice should be your biggest cheerleader, not your harshest critic. Life is tough enough without you adding yourself to the opposition.

Next week I have a special guest contributor, Stephanie Warren, who I'm so excited to introduce you to. Stephanie is a bridge-builder connecting people, ideas, and resources to inspire action. Through her weekly newsletter, BOLDideas, she explores topics that challenge conventional thinking and encourages readers to become BOLDER versions of themselves, offering practical tools to spark growth. I'm looking forward to introducing her to you, and I know you'll love what she has to share!

P.s. The smallest changes we make can end up having the biggest impacts. If you're ready to make some changes, I'm here to help you. As a Certified Life Coach, my passion is helping clients get un-stuck, and I would love to talk to you and help you get started on your way to making change!